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19 April 2008 @ 04:07 am
Challenge is a Virtue  
No,not Confucus.

    There's so many things bothering me in my life. I wonder if I can organize it here. But I'll probably thik it's going to be uber messy.

I've got a Fat cat here lying on my lap,hindering most of my limb movements,especially my left arm. Not that it can cause me lots of trouble,as she schnurr and purr in her sleep,I look quietly into her slumber and asked her, why is my life so messed up? No answer, but I can see my series of problems gushing into my vision and thought like a river of orgasm, (Lol). My dad had asked me if I passed my application form and money to SAE yet, I'm not sure why but I'm so lazy and reluctant to do it, not to mention Fat keeps sleeping on my papers and PREVENTING me from writing all the details in it, dad was really worried on it, keep pushing me to do it. Other than that, my brother is getting on my nerve, Fat even sighed at the horrible arguments bloated up just now between me and him, goodness sake, he doesn't take common sense all too well, it was really a God awful experience. I hate him, I never loved him and I wished he'll just pop like a bunny in a cage full of niblets. I keep thinking he was the one hampering my life, he never did gave me any kindness, hardly anyone did, people do it out of sympathy and pity. I don't need pity, I need help.

    As I peered into her sleeping breath, I realize I fallen out of love with Andy, and in love with Mana-san, for someone who had dissed my love for military, I somehow got used to 'not talking about it' routine, no talk,no show, simple, and really, he's someone I can really tell my secrets to, other than Andy of course, but Andy...

"I wish he knows how much this relationship means to me."
"Don't leave me to other men."
"I long for some quiet solace with Andy."
"This relationship is slowly breaking apart, why'd you never take noticed?"
"You are a dunce, you never really take me very seriously."

I wish I can say those things but I can't, instead I TYPED them. I find the most ironic thing is, Andy lives 300 plus Clicks from me, yet, it might take months or years to meet. I'm getting tired of this routine, this annoyance has gone too far. Why can't I meet Andy? If he doesn't take me seriously, nor even plan to do something about it, chances are, you'll no longer see me on the net and definitely be wiped out from this cyberworld. I no longer want to exist, I just come here so I can see Andy. I hate dramas, I've been into too many dramas and it's just killing me to solve them, so I am really reluctant to just participate in some sort of affairs, hell, why should you? What can you gain out of it? It's just wasting my time and thinning my patience further. So instead, I waste my time with Mana, cause I know time is best wasted on/with him, rather than investing my precious patience to help in the whole drama. And I discovered, the longer I spend time with him, the more of these images pops into my heart, I just keep thinking about him, he can easily turn me on, he can make me giggled madly at the most perverse yet romantic thing. God how much I started to fall in love with him again and again, he makes me feel important. He makes me feel like I'm one of those 16 year old youngsters longing for sex. We hardly cammed for each other these days but I'm glad to know he kept my pictures. I feel....significant in his wheel of life, yet I feel more selfish and guilty by it. I can see Fat's eying me on the guilt part, but I'm more concerned with selfishness, Mana has Caleb, they're made for each other. I can see that, yet, I feel like Matahari, raping their love life with my thoughtlessness, rowing the boat away from each other. I want Mana badly, I want my cocktail pushing into him (Splurt, not stirred)  and make him feel alive again, the reason to live. Alas, it's all a cruel fantasy, to drive me insane. Denial,meowed Fat. What's with love really? Every 14 days,I had to feed Fat these, suppressants to ward off her "Animalistic instinct" so to prevent erm, horniness. I wish I can invent a Love-Suppressant, to throw my mind away from these Incessant urges for romance. I want to forget, forget it, forget it -

As I lift Fat away from my sleeping lap, I gently place her on my monitor's side, and she begins to lie down sideways and tuck herself in to sleep, she knows it's a routine, a sort of "law" set inside her mind. And this morning, she does it again, pushing my phone accidentally off the desk and landed with a loud clank, I woke up to the sound and double checked my phone, no harm. Nothing. Yet, in my head, I was wondering if I could just throw the phone away and forget that I had this "Nazified Phone Number" tattooed all over it. I hate it, I hate my phone, I switched it off for almost quite some time now, I hate getting phone calls from these "pals" of mine, opportunistic bastards, take me for granted. Jin already had left for college and decided his anime-crazed fans are a better bunch than me, Khalil's being a nosy prick and trying non-stop to make me hang out with him, personally, I have no qualms against him, but his conservative views on Islam is just annoying me, he has something against Christians and Jews, especially Jews, and it's beginning to tear down the wall here. I have nothing against religion, like Andy, I practice secularism and am glad that Buddhism doesn't really have a massive toll on your daily life. Anywho Mr. Khalil here thinks every victory in the games we played are credited to him and him only, if he were made general, I can predict terrible results here, he may be good in strategy but without the men helping him, what is there to gain? Not the world of course, but just his ego. And you got Mr. Bisexual-In-Denial, Zeke, or that's his Chink-y version of his name, as gay as he can be, he can be a fucking prick, but then again,he adopted the /b/ way of life and went I HERD YUO LIEK MUDKIPS routine, sad and pathetic, it really is, I heard better lines from a sleeping cat. "Purr"

    To say I hate them, sometimes, yes, definitely, to say I like them, maybe too, I never did acquired enough time to get myself acquainted with them, and sometimes, I'm too nice to give them second-chances, or a third time, to make up for their false impressions. This Sunday, they're inviting me to for another rousing game of cybergames, I of course been to a few of their invites, to only discovered some bitter taste in defeat and hyper-egotistical people. And difficult way to get home safely without being cheated by the very stereotypical Indian cab drivers,though Chinese cabbies are easier to negotiate, they want money only and as only as it's cash, sure heck we'll drive through a bunch of walking nuns so that I can have that 20 bucks! Malays are best enough to get a ride, either yes or no. Anyways, I'm very hesitant to go. Andy told me to just, kick your leg up and enjoy those nice days while you can, easy for you to say. It's easy to go there, mother can drop me off and me and Khalil hitch a bus and go there. But getting home, getting home is really a toughie. Took me 1-2 hours to actually get back safely (That's already 7-8pm!). And my past dream kept haunting me of the evil cab driver stabbeth thee thingy. Tiring journey, sometimes it might worth it if there's enough people, but judging by the looks of things, no. I can easily say no and just tell them I'm Emo at the moment. Or in layman's term, fuck off.

    Sure enough, she does the whole, cute baby act thing, it's just too much to bear. So I tickled her tummy and she goes on with a long and cute sigh. Why was she sighing about? My life? Sure enough, maybe my health, these days, I keep getting dermatitis over and over with my fingers, tried slapping ointment and avoid touching things, least it's lesser than usual. I wasn't really in the "Fittest bod" league nor the fat boy frat, but I think I'm going to be invited into the FBF. 67kg, that's my last measurement and goodness' sake, I'm getting fatter. How can I be trap worthy if my thighs and arse are huge? God, I even have a A size mantits. I can even do a boobjob! Then, acne's are slowly flaring up again, stress level rises, semen level down, couldn't even maintain a sizeable erection for 40 seconds. Somewhat, I've been taking the new multi-vat and it gave me really unpromising results, my eye strained too easily, irritability can come and go at any moment, taking a dump is getting harder, and I thought it can help with my *Ahem* low sperm count thingy, guessed I was wrong, too wrong, I felt awful, I dribbled when I came, I had more orgasm than ejaculations and it's just horrible. Stopped taking it solves some problems but I can sense a huge scar already being developed. I hate medicines, it's a fucking voodoo sometimes. Still...

    Oh, Fat meowed at me,telling me, time to sleep Bobby, it's been a wild night typing your horrors in a cyber notepad. Leave it and goodnight. Ta.
 
 
My Mood: depresseddepressed
My Music: 1973 - James Blunt