October 31st, 2005

Have you notice?

Have you notice that you can’t sleep? Not because you have insomnia or anything is just that, there is something always going to happen and you don’t know what, yes, I am suffering from it now, it’s 4 AM here and I am still typing out this and listening to Mussorsgky’s The Hut On Fowl’s leg.

Mostly because I’ve been angry with my self lately, what was it? I shan’t say for I too don’t know what I’m angry about. I am infuriated, I am heartrending and most of all I am still angry. Actually, do I really don’t know about it?

What was it…I don’t know what. Was it because there’s responsibility bouncing off my shoulder? Was it something more important than that? I’ve lost something? Could be. But no. Do I in dire need of a friend? That’s it.

I am so sad for I am lost without a comrade. No one to talk to. No one to be with. No one to be entertained with. And no one to be together with. Everyday I walked alone from school. I have seen my classmates waving goodbyes to their friends. Cheerily and happily like some schoolgirl. For me, no one waves good-bye at me not because I am a bully or I hate them, it’s just that because I don’t want to know them, that’s all.

I am an intellectual being. But somehow if I make friends with those of a lower intelligence with me that my standards of decency or knowledge may drop tremendously. In contrast, they will lower my standard. I am not rich, I am not some hot looking sexy male model, I am not even academically smart.

Weird huh? I mean, I only want to make friends of those who shares the same common interest and perhaps the same sexual orientation and appearance and their personality, perhaps I ask to much don’t you think? Somehow I want a complete friend with a complete personality that I want.

I used to have that, he and I nearly took off to honeymoon but luck won’t hold forever, no sire-bob. I moved and he moved, further from each other, I didn’t even pop the freaking question:

“Hey, since you know that I’m so having a crush on ya, why don’t we make out and watch each other’s perfect eyes all day? What do ya say? A smooch coming up!”

Crude and fast. Heh, funny too. He was the funny kind, smart and a debonair looking one. He takes field mouse as his fursona. Yes, into anthros too he was. But I moved on, I moved on damnit or else my heart breaks once more. Now I am where I am, and to search a best friend, not a mate. Didn’t anyone tell ya that mates wouldn’t last as long as best friend does? Think about it.

Whoa look at the time. Gotta sign off. Share your opinions people for I am OPRAH! The bisexual one and my name is Bobby or Dobbs. Cheerio. (`)_(`)
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