October 29th, 2005

Darkness.

Here I am, in the midst of nightmare. I long for an acquaintances, a friend, a companion, a mate. Comparing me now and before, I didn't understand the meaning of friendship hood or relationship hood, I never understand it now or before. How is it that I am lonely? I am alone in the darkness, listening to happy people cheering outside my cold barrier. I can see friends playing together in peace and harmony, for me, I stuck in this empty void of darkness, I feel like submitting my will to daemon, I am alone, I walk alone, I eat alone, I sleep alone, and only dreams that can help me. The dream of a friend and me walking in the field of hope. The plains of peacefulness and togetherness.

I am 15,I may be young and inexperience but I am a mature thinking and I feel I am 51 at heart. I know what is life and how does life react with people. I was a spoiled brat before until people change my life, they pull me out from the shadows and made me who I was today. They took me to a world of the anthropomorphism . Most of all, they pull me from living king of straight to a queen of queers. I was too much somehow. And I was stabbed in the back by the very same people. I shan't reveal the identity, what use does it do? I move on, as always, now stuck in the shadows of contempt or disdain, I am lost again.

No guide can help me. I shall move on, never to repeat on what I’ve done, or I am doomed to repeat my life again. Oh God please save my soul from the smoldering ash of pain and torment. It burns so brightly and painfully. Save me, bring me out from the annulled. Save my soul. Save me for I am drowning in the sea of pain and isolation. I am a vagabond, a rolling stone, in search for a friend and my meaning of existence.
Can you help me?
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