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24 June 2007 @ 03:04 am
All The Things He Said  
I can't take it anymore,everytime I walk,talk,dream,masturbate,eat I keep thinking of him!!! No matter how hard I stop this addiction of mine,it keeps coming back spontaneously,it's madness!

    I tried myself various method,meeting new people,looking at hotter people but no,his face,his sneer is forever imbedded inside my mind. The way his face shapes like,the way his glasses reveals a more clearer face of his,his elegance when walking,talking or just moving his hands around...and not to mention his wonderful sense of fashion and hairstyle.


    As I turn on the websites looking for porn and slapping my hand away on my penis,his face keeps emerging like some sort of hallucination, it's like he's really there,watching me enjoying myself and releasing it all for him. It's so getting depressing I don't know what to do,it's a goddamn bloody unhealthy addiction to this damned person. I covered my face in shame and awe,moving myself away from this awful state of trance. It's like he wants me to act this way,I don't want him in my head anymore,please,every single time I try to live and let go,he comes inside like nobody's business. I'm taken,you're taken,I don't need anymore disagreement or trouble,I don't want to disobey my own faith and have it in your way eventhough in real life you too are having the same burden and you don't like me!


    I am typing now and almost as if I can hear him talking to him,hence all the things he said,running through my head,I'm out of my mind,I can't stop it,I want him as much as my heart can bear. My brain is urging this image to appear everytime I'm caught offguard,even if I am conscious,he is still there,why is he still in my head,I want to forget you,leave me alone,please,for Heaven's sake,it's not that you want me,it's I know that you are already taken with sincere love from your lover,with that warmth I cannot take it that easily,and that lies and web of deceit is not making me feel easier to obtain your heart. Don't make me do the stupid things,I've gone through hell and I don't want to go look for you again,I know you dislike me,you think I'm an ignorant and macho maniac when I am indeed a frail,unkind and an attention whore,I just like you,that's all,you know I'm ugly and with the mouth of a sailor. Oh the damned headache,the image burns like a thousand sun caressing me all over,it's so splitting I daren't call them just a migraine anymore,oh God...

I...held your hands before,I wanted to hug you but I couldn't,I wanted to make conversation with you but I'm shy, even if I did talk to you I'm a loudmouth bitch with the kindness capacity of a nutmeg, I want to make out with you but I'm scared you reject me and forever hold a grudge against me, I wanted to make sure you have a nice time during hang outs but I'm so afraid of you.
  
    I even lied to everyone saying it,saying that both of them are making it up,trying to make him look bad while in fact,he's in love,fuck this love,Bobby,fuck it all,he's in your head fucking you now,right? Yes,he's screwing my mind up,the lovely whore fuck just wants to show himself to me,eager to grab me over and wastes my life for him,to teach me a lesson on love and lust as well as not fucking around with people.....he said to me:

"Take care"

    All the things he said,running through my head....
 
 
My Mood: angryangry
My Music: All The Things She Said - Tatu